I will be a good student for now and be a better teacher for my students in the future. I dunno what holds tomorrow and I dun want to fight for too much. I just hope to use my career to numb myself from all the pain and agony I'm going through in life right now.

I trust in the Lord and I trust that he will deliver me from my agony. I must teach by examples, no sad thoughts.

My third day at west spring secondary school; with all sincerity, my journey of becoming a teacher only started today after a talk with the principal. I am so glad that I picked myself out of bed to come to school. It was definitely a rewarding one, the talk with the principal allowed me to see teaching in a different light. Something that I never would have known if not for this.

I have every intention to skip coming to school today. Why pick myself out of bed at 5 and take a 1.5 hour journey to school if I can be sleeping at home till 12pm and slowly make my way to the polyclinic to get a medical certificate? I chose to come and I made a good decision. Today, I learnt many things, so many that I can't possibly type every single one down here.

The main thing I've learnt was to think and act with my heart and not head when it comes to handling of the students. It works. I was told that when you look at every rowdy immature young, you see a harmless, defenceless youth in them. Like us, they are constantly seeking an identity; like us, they still can't find an identity; like us, they feel dispaired and disappointed. As a teacher, (alright, as a trainee in school doing observation) I looked at these students in class today - the same class which I observed and whine about to fellow trainees; I saw them in a different light.

Today, I saw them as young individual with great potentials who hasn't gotten a way in tackling life 'cause they're probably still enjoying their youth or are probably indifferent bout the cruel world out there. Today, I went into the same class and realised how quiet and sensible these kids can be, I looked carefully at each and every one's face and wondered what lies in their heads, what lies behind that face. And I questioned myself, I questioned my profession, I questioned my ability as a future teacher as I reflected on how superficial I was when I saw them as rowdy and mischievous young beings yesterday. I instantly felt a sense of guilt for being so judgemental, and elitist.

The same class I went to today with my mentor Miss Nisa, gave me hope. Perhaps they were better today, less rowdy, less noisy, or it could be that the principal knocked sense into my thick skull. I felt different when I was going to the class, inside the class, and out of the class. It wasn't a sense of fulfilment, it wasn't disappointment either. I was simply, i-think-the-class-is-better-today given my attitude towards their learning. It could be me, or it could be them. Nonetheless, going in with an open heart and mind to accept the come-what-mays goes a long way.

The same boy; who I talked about yesterday, who I dissed when it comes to sharing of my experiences, listened attentively to me when I was explaining individually to the class. The same boy, there was no change in attitude, behaviour or character and yet, I saw him so differently today. With an open heart and mind, I was more capable of expressing myself; my thoughts and feelings in words and I find it much easier to communicate with the students. When communication is possible, anything else seems easy. And for that, I saw another part of them. They thirst for knowledge, they seek opportunities to prove themselves, they have their potential.

However, there was this other guy who ask me if I was from the express stream or the normal academic stream after I told him that N levels would be easy and he will be able to manage it. He asked me but I refused to answer. I questioned the objective of this question and he said that if I haven't taken N levels, it will be unfair of me to say that N levels is manageable. I reflected and realised that every single student has different potential and it was indeed unfair for me to give such a comment labelling N levels as easy.

I left the class with mixed feelings; on one hand, I was glad that I was able to teach and gain the attention of the boy i thought was naughty, on the other, I was upset with myself for passing such a comment. It could have hurt the boy very much.

Every day every lesson, every single one; changes my life, thoughts and actions. I wonder what kinda person will I eventually be at the very end of the teaching career. How would teaching change me? I learnt something today, and it will probably follow me till the very end. See them with your heart, not your head.

That way, I know I've to learn to teach better.

Second week of attachment at West Spring Secondary School.

It's no joke waking up at 5.30am and think and know that you're gonna be late for school. It's even ulu-er then pulua NTU. Maybe I'm just not familiar with this area. Whatever it may be. I am pleasantly surprised by what the school can give me.

I had free breakfast; lontong, nuggets and fruits and table at the pantry, which is good 'cause accessible to food - more food. But that wasn't all. Students here are pleasant in their own ways. They didn't appear sloppy, but what can I actually expect from a secondary school. They're obviously unlike the primary school, whereby I had students constantly greeting me 'good morning' and energy level way up there. Difference is, the students in secondary school are drifting (slow motion) like dead zombies. No, zombies who are half-asleep.

But I do like students from secondary school. They are so witty and very cute (in their own ways and only if you truly madly deeply know how to appreciate it). I dun think I can ever talk sense into people who don't see why secondary school students are adorable.

I'd my first encounter with late students. They are cool. Clerk sitted by the receptionist desk asked the student for reasons to why they're late. Student answered in the most light-hearted, i'm-not-wrong tone, saying 'Cher (they call everybody cher), world cup four years one time you know'. The clerk by the desk immediately 'arrowed' back at him and said 'What about your O levels and N levels?' The boy said, 'That one every year also have'. I burst into fits of laughter when I heard that. I couldn't believe my ears, kids these days are truly witty and outspoken (not in a good way)!

Then it brought me back to what happened earlier this morning where I saw my brother frantically checking out the results of the match. He was going 'jie jie, spain won, spain won!!'. My respond, I rolled my eyes at him and told him that whether spain won or not, it's not going to help him in any way in his life!' Judging from the two incidents, it didn't really make sense for telling my brother off that way. At least he didn't wake up at unearthly hours in the mid-night/morning to watch people chase after a ball. At least he had the decency to sleep. Oh well.

Whatever it is, I am now seeping on my lontong gravy and blogging bout my day in school. I'm finally Miss Choy, I'm finally Miss Choy. Well, I'm telling myself that I dun have to be so excited, 'cause it's not going to be all-so-good. But it's still pretty early to prepare myself for the worst. Let's see how it goes. I'm glad I had the support of everybody.

Almost time for my first lesson!

Even before my career starts, I'm already getting tired of going to school.

.. But i'm not letting that deter me from being a good teacher! I'm v sure.

I've trouble with dress code as a teacher. Does this problem bothers every new teacher. Formal would be too formal, casual wear would be too unprofessional. Hmm, let me see, smart-casual? Still pretty casual still.

Why is it that being a teacher is so troublesome and why is it that every time I'm stuck in a school compound, I face troubles concerning attire. Not that anybody had haunt me down 'cause of my dressing, but but but, it's better to be conscious about it before anybody tells you off right?

Juggled with the thought of having this blog ever since I started school in NIE. But too much happened back then, and I was too emotionally burdened and starting a blog with all my daily break up post was more appropriate. But it seems like I've put everything behind and the thought of starting anew, starting afresh is kicking in. Good sign, indeed. I need to get my life back into place, and I need to set my priorities right. I'm too good to disappoint anybody.

So I started this blog to record my daily school life (life includes learning to teach, teaching to learn, and teaching in general), and started it most appropriately during my first practicum. Awesome, isn't it?

I get a kick when I'm greeted 'Miss Choy'!